Profile Feedback

Step By Step

More Stuff

Who’s Who?

Step 8: The Date

Atlast: you joined a service, you created a profile, you searched, you contacted,you emailed, you called, and now it’s time for the big date. By now, you shouldalready know my first piece of advice: lower your expectations. As TR noted theother day, there’s something funny about e-dating: by the time you meetsomeone, you already feel like you know them pretty well, but as soon as theywalk in the door, you realize that you don’t really. You have these glimpses ofthe other person—a couple of pictures, some conversations. From those glimpses,you construct an image of whom you think the person is. If you’re an optimistlike me, the image you create is a positive one, and you can’t help but get alittle excited. The problem is that the image is not based on sufficient oreven accurate information. Take the picture. A picture shows someone from oneunchanging angle. Based on that angle, you interpolate an animated,three-dimensional human being. But there are countless ways of interpolatingthe same angle, and chances are you didn’t get it right, especially since theperson probably made a point of showing you their best side. So try to remindyourself that you really don’t know much at all about the other person. Thelower your expectations, the more likely that you will be pleasantly surprised.

Mysecond piece of advice: keep it casual. Right now you’re just a face on theinternet. Don’t assume that people will give up real plans to go out with you.You have to prove yourself “weekend worthy”, and should hold expect the samefrom your date. And guys, don’t try to impress the girls with a fancy dinner onthe first date. You haven’t met this girl, so you don’t even know if the two ofyou can hold a conversation long enough to last through dinner. Furthermore,you might think that women loved to be wined and dined, but a lot of them findsuch situations uncomfortable. Don’t risk that. Start with a drink or a coffeeon a weeknight or during the day on a weekend. If it goes well and you dig eachother, you can build up to the fancy dinner on the second or third date. If youdon’t dig each other, the fanciest dinner in the world won’t win her over.Girls, if a guy invites you to dinner, and you’re not ready for that, do nothesitate to politely suggest an alternative. If he’s even half a man, he’llaccept your suggestion gracefully, and the date will go better because you’llfeel less awkward.

[TR: A recente-date guy took me to the New York Yacht clubfor our first date. Maybe he wanted to share with me his passion for yachting orimpress me with his connections to the rich and powerful, but I just found theplace to be stodgy, snobby, and homogenous. The moral of this story: Don’t plana first date in “your territory”. Pick a casual neutral setting.]

Planto keep the date short. If things go well, you can extend it or set up a seconddate. But do not do the little trick where you arrange for your friend to callat a certain time and pretend to call you away for an emergency. What are you12? Do you think that the other person can’t see through your shtick? If you’renot enjoying the date, just say you’re tired or that you have to get going.

[TR: Guys, ifyou start early with drinks and then want to extend the date, suggest a bite toeat. Your date is most likely smaller than you and can’t hold as much alcohol.Plus, people get hungry.]

Finally,be careful. You know very little about the other person. Don’t let someoneyou’ve never met pick you up in a car, always meet at a public location, tellyour friends where you’re going, and be careful how much you drink. See my safety tips .

That’sit. You’re on your own. Go forth and multiply. If you need more help, there area million dating advice books out there.

Comments

eDating Sites

General

Gay/Lesbian

Religious

“Intimate”

Seniors