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Rejections, the Giving and the Getting

Mostpeople who date online follow a simple one-stop process for rejecting people:they disappear. It’s temptingly easy, but don’t do it. You don’t have torespond to first contacts, but once you’ve signaled that you’re interested,it’s rude to just stop responding. You’ll find out just what it’s like whensomeone does it to you. The worst part is the waiting. You don’t know if theperson you’ve been emailing is just busy or has lost interest, so you sitaround checking your inbox, even when you don’t really give a shit about theperson.

[TR: I thinkit depends on the rapport. If the communication is taking off, you don’t oweanyone an explanation. A “break up” might even be insulting or humiliating. Butif the communication is pretty good, and you think that the other person mightbe getting into you, it would be considerate to let them know if you decide notto pursue things further.]

Ifyou do lose interest in someone, you can make up whatever stupid excuse youwant, but write something. I usually tell people that my life has gotten toocrazy to deal with dating right now. I’m sure that they see right through theexcuse, but at least they’re not waiting around for a message.

Andif someone rejects you, either by disappearing or by giving you some excuse,take no for an answer. You’re allowed one follow-up, just to see if you’ve beentemporarily forgotten or a message has been lost along the way. After that,it’s time to move on. A few months ago, TR went on one date with a guy and thenrejected him unambiguously. He won’t go away, she still gets emails and textmessages from him every few weeks, even though she doesn’t respond. Is hecompletely stupid? I don’t get it.

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